someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
