Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
