You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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