i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize