i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
