I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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