im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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