Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
