She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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