youre lurking in front of me
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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