Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
