I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
