i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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