My brain says no but my pants say off.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize