Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
