Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
