he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
