I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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