Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
