My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
