My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
