this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
