and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
