im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
