drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
