if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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