I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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