It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
