He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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