i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
what day is it and did you see me today?
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
