Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
