Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
