great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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