i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize