"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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