Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
