You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
