I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
