am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm really busy with my period
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