Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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