Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
it wasn't lemon gatorade
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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