Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
