yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
