The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
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