We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Alive.
So much puke
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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