Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize