So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize