If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
