A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
i black out too much to be "responsible"
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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