I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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