woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
