I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
