The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
