Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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