can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
