she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
