clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
