I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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