So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
