i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
