Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Randomize
