i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
