Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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