i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
