Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
