Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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