dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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