like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
