it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
