she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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